1. |
Alma Mater Sweater
04:39
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you were sitting by the water
In a cigarette-burned sweater
from your alma mater
rubbing your hands together
placing them on your knees
i was stammering something stupid
and i said i didn't know
if i would even make it
you said i'd be alright but
IT'S NOT SO EASY
we didn't talk
we just stared at the sunset awhile)
i had a thought
but they never come out right
what am i supposed to do?
where am supposed to go?
who can i still be without you?
everybody's waiting for us, not thirty feet away
while we waste our time sighing at what remains of the day
everybody's waiting for us
I WANNA TELL YOU SOMETHING---
everybody's waiting!
nevermind, i forgot what I wanted to say
and I know it's so unfair of me to do
to try to make anything out of what i meant to you
but I'm starved for meaning in this fucking nightmare
I just need more time to be young, dumb, and scared
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2. |
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the dreams we built our lives on
will dissipate and be forgotten
when we can't monetize all our
favorite disparate useless hobbies
did you get into the university
you always dreamed of?
did you find anything
tedious enough to fill your days?
i am not a maniI am a
worthless fucking fuck
building my life on shifting sands
never a finished product
are you gonna tell me what i'm doing wrong?
ARE YOU GONNA KILL ME FOR IT????
easel and brushes in the closet
old mouthpiece underneath the faucet
piano-shaped dust in the corner of the room
photoshop knockoff on my laptop unused
is there nothing i can do?
is there nothing i can do?
is there nothing i can do?
I HAVE (*a lump in my throat*)
i have the big black book
that cost me $40,000
but i preferred myself the look
of the wide expanse of empty velvet
did you find yourself after
you finally had to go home?
thinking 'bout the future gives me
chills down in the roots of my bones
i don't know if i can do this
but i'm so tired of feeling useless
i put myself down for you
but i can get up again, too
is there nothing i can do?
is there nothing i can do?
is there nothing i can...
some of us know what they want to do
and the rest of us are fucking cowards...
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3. |
The Big One
03:03
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the waves try desperately
to climb onto the rocks
scrambling through gaps
breaking their nails for a grip
crashing restlessly
someday to stop
but that day is not today
and they know it.
and we know it.
the birds fly overhead
must be so nice to let the
winter breeze take you
it's my fault, all of it;
i spent more energy
wishing I was dead
than I did to fix anything
and they know it.
and i know it.
but i don't know what to do
even when it's binary
there are no wrong answers,
but there are better ones
i'm frozen solid waiting for
just a little more evidence
that i'm not as useless as i
always thought I'd be
i spy myself in the waves, he
keeps floating up
like trash, like trash, like trash,
the rhythm is all off
the waves are falling back
into their friends
cancelling momentum
and i can't stand it.
i can't stand it.
but i don't know what to do
even when it's laid out for me
there are so many answers
how could you choose just one?
i'm trying so hard just to
maintain a little dignity
i'm waiting for the Big One
to come and wash over me
i'm waiting for the Big One
to come and wash over me
i'm waiting for the Big One
to come and wash over me
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4. |
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sitting on a bench in your hometown
looking up and feeling down
i keep tryin to smile but i just can't
i wonder what it's like to "be a man"
and like what does that even mean?
even joy feels like posturing
all my favorite movies fucked me up
that's not love, that's more like drugs
nothing here was made for you
you just take enough to help you make it through
you said i looked good in blue
but i never even heard you
i asked you to repeat yourself
but you got anxious and you withdrew
i'm not afraid my friend's will leave
i know they will eventually
and i know that i'll see you again
i just don't think that you saw me
at all
at all
at all, at all, at all, at all
nothing here was made for you
you just take enough to help you make it through
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Ashtray Petting Zoo Salem, Oregon
Hey I’m Davy, I write music and I like rock bands; sometimes I copy them, most of the time I try really hard not
to!
Ashtray Petting Zoo is my lack of musical talent mixed with my hubris. I stole the name from Joyce Manor, they’re currently way better than me, but I dunno, maybe I’ll open for them at some point or something? Everybody needs a dream.
Please enjoy.
... more
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